Revisions in "Peaceful Warrior" Review

In my revision book review post, I did the following:

1. I took out many parentheses that contained my own side comments, (Carolyn, Jonathan, Aubree, and Robert all agreed that it distracted the them from the actual book review.)

2. I shortened the review by about 50 words, something that I felt necessary, like I was trimming the fat off of this big hunky steak.

3. I changed some of the wording and made a few corrections, (i.e. commas, spelling, etc.) Some of the words didn't quite work so great in the original review. For example, the old line: "Told with a great sense of awareness, Way of the Peaceful Warrior is a story not to be taken for granted." VS. the new line: "Told with a great sense of knowledge and awareness, Way of the Peaceful Warrior is a timeless story about one man's quest for happiness."

4. I completely deleted the second paragraph. It seemed long, whiny, and irrelevant. Robert commented that it was a bit like, "Yeah, so...?" And I agree. It was boring and contained a lot of words without, well, saying anything of value.

5. I put the original third paragraph into the last paragraph, as it read more like a closing argument or final thought than criticism in the middle of a review. It worked beautifully, combining these two, I mean.

6. I fixed up some tense problems, (i.e. I thought/You will like/The book isn't)

7. In the "new" second paragraph, I added more constructive criticism/objectivity, something that Carolyn and Robert both wanted me to do. Take for example, the last line: "The way that Millman was able to so eloquently phrase these "new-age" concepts is what separates itself from similar novels. Not only is Way of the Peaceful Warrior a remarkable and captivating story, it has proven itself as THE self-aware manifestation of what one person is capable of achieving in life, taking the subtitle "A Book That Changes Lives."

(In defense, this is a novel where, in my opinion, a subjective review would not seem that inappropriate, as it can be considered a "self-help" book by some.)

8. I gave more commentary on the book as a whole. Take, for example, the second to last paragraph: "Millman does this through storytelling without being moralistic or over-the-top and with little religious overtone, something that other similar "search-for-happiness" novels manifest. This is not a "how-to" book by any means, but the lessons taught and, particularly some passages, left me feeling a renewed sense of possibility and passion for life."

9. Although I already said that I took out the original second paragraph, I must state that I made it a top priority to take out the following line: "...something that I have been working on tremendously in my own life." That seems much, much too subjective and personal, as Robert pointed out, especially if I am writing for a publication like Newsweek or Time. (Like, why does it matter if I am working on my own life?)

10. As Robert suggested, I took out the line: "However, I do still have some faith in humanity and I very much so believe in supernatural/other-worldly phenomena. My duty here isn't to doubt the possibility or authenticity of what Millman has written, but to examine the novel as a whole and comment and what works and what does not work." Again, too much irrelevant information, I just decided to "do it" instead of telling the audience what I was going to do.

There were other small changes that I made.